I’ve often been asked what is my biggest fear. The answer to that is being a failure, albeit in sports, life or most importantly failing as a father. My purpose in this journey changed 13 years ago and then multiplied more than six years ago when I become a father. Everything I do now resolves around my boys. I’m trying to set an example of respect and being a hard-worker for them to carry on.
I’ve ran into speed bumps along the way. Failure is going to happen, it’s how you handle it that makes the difference. I’m very competitive, sometimes to the point of it’s ridiculous. From board games, playing sports or simply running laps I want to win. With becoming a father and now coaching I’ve had to pull back on that competitive side and understand that others don’t always have the want and desire I do. There’s times now when I’m competing in one form or another and have to have an in-depth conversation with myself about really you can’t let you six year old beat you in a board game.
Raising a teenager is becoming a construction zone to say the least, especially when said teenager is an exact replica of myself. When you have someone who also has a drive to succeed and doesn’t handle failure himself, it becomes the rock and hard spot scenario. I lost my cool this week, yelled and had to take things and activities away from him. At which time I felt like I had failed as a father. We have a great relationship but like most things there’s good days and bad days. Sometimes I get stuck in the this guy is my best friend mode and then have to stop and say hey wait I’m still the dad. The actions this week led to some great conversation about life, expectations and respect. I look at him and it’s like looking in a mirror from appearance to attitude and some days that attitude… oh man. However, this speed bump became a great learning lesson and experience. This also become a great teaching lesson for mini man as well. I sat down with him and discussed the interaction, yelling, issues and why it wasn’t good. He gave me a big hug and said dad I know, treat others how you want to be treated.
Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of money what I did have was a ton of love and support from my parents and sister. My mom stayed home with us, taught us respect and the importance of hard work and education. She worked hard everyday to ensure we had everything we needed. My mom doesn’t have a license, is facing some health issues but will continue to outwork you. I’ve watched her walk miles to go clean a house to ensure we had money for groceries, she would get out shoot basketball with me to make sure I was working. My dad worked everyday and showed me the definition of what it meant to be a father who put family first. He would work long hours and then still make it to my practices and games. When I needed or wanted extra work, which was all the time, he would be outside pushing me. He was and continues to be that ear when I needed it. To this day the first person I call everyday is The Old Man.
I’m lucky to have two parents who put their kids in front of their own wants and needs to ensure my sister and I were successful. My sister and I become the first two in our family to graduate college, there are almost 30 grandkids on both sides of the family. I’ve done my best to carry over that thinking, that work ethic and drive to be a successful father to my boys. Will I fail, yes. Will they fail, yes. It’s how we handle failing, learning from that failure and then working to not lead to that failure again.
One of the hardest things for me is seeing people promise things to my boys and not deliver. It can be from hey I will come watch you play, I’m going to send you something for your birthday and so-on. To see their excitement and then see the feelings being crushed is hard as a father. I feel it’s my fault for allowing others to lead them in that direction. It’s a teaching and learning lesson of just because things are promised doesn’t mean that will occur. Some don’t take their promise to mean much. I’ve told my boys if I promise or if you promise someone something it’s got to happen no matter what.
Don’t be afraid to fail, face and embrace it. You will learn more from failing than any success you have. Never let a promise become broken.
Enjoy your day!
TCB