We all experience Blame everyday, be it from something we did or something we didn’t. A lot of times the Blame-Game rears it’s ugly head into our day. This isn’t isolated to an age or a title either. I see it at work, on the field and with my kids.
How do you handle blame? Do you accept it or like so many do you begin to finger-point? I have been guilty of both myself, as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned or at least tried to learn, it’s best to accept everything I do. Someday’s and something’s are better than others. There’s things we all struggle with, it’s learning how to overcome that difficulty that will make us better. Instead some often can’t accept failure or blame so they cast stones at others.
I see more of the Blame-Game and finger pointing approach on a daily bases. With most jobs no-one wants to be accountable anymore, if you admit to being wrong the fear for many is I’ll be replaced. Some, on the other hand just don’t care, they want “their” money that they feel obligated too and could care less about results or responsibilities. However, when questioned why something is wrong, they instantly pull the blame card out as it’s not their fault. As a coach we have all dealt with a player and or parent who makes mistakes and before you can say a word they have already begin looking everywhere else but themselves for why a mistake happened. One of the most talked about post game speeches of all time is Allen Iverson’s practice speech. He was questioned about missing a practice. He said practice over 20 times in a two minute interview. He talked about how much the game meant to him and how much he gave during a game however never took blame for missing the practice. He was the leader of that team and couldn’t handle being questioned about missing something.
As a parent having two kids it’s usually some bickering about who started it, why it was started and blah-blah-blah. I think there’s times it’s just lets see who can get the other in trouble. When something does occur as a parent you try to cut through all the non-sense, the crying and finger-pointing and get to the origin of what occurred and why. I don’t need need anything else, give me that data and if I need more than we can dive further into our investigation.
I’ve been blamed for doing and saying things that didn’t occur. Having a conversation with another person when their mad at you for something you didn’t do is a tough argument to win. We probably have all heard this statement, I know what you said or did. I usually counter that with saying, I’m glad you do, because I don’t, please fill me in. I’ve been blamed for being a terrible coach and person because I’ve raised my voice, because I questioned something that went wrong and because I didn’t allow negatively on the field.
I often wonder if some people truly like to see others suffer or just can’t handle when someone is happy. Jealousy is a trait that is hard for some to overcome. We don’t see or know what happens in others lives behind closed doors. Everyone faces their own struggles and issues everyday. I try to treat everyone equal, with respect and with a smile and positive outlook. Now some days that smile is more of a smirk and the positive outlook is cloudy.
I’ve had several talks at work, while coaching and as a parent that starts with tell me what happened. Usually that answer begins with well “they” or it wasn’t my fault. Let’s try that again, I don’t care about what “they” did. I will talk to “they” when we are done. I need to know what you did.
I had a 14 hour day on Saturday with baseball, got to a field at 6:00 am to help make sure we the field was playable for the kids, had ceremonies, umped a game, played a game and then onto my older guys practice which ended around 8:00 pm. I was tired, I was hungry I could have blamed others but it was something I wanted to do to make sure kids were having fun, learning and getting better. My older guys had a great practice. I spent time at the beginning and end of practice talking. We talked at length about how little things have affected us over the last few games. How those little things begin to crack our armor, how we let others begin to dictate how we play. How we began to blame others for how we were playing. I have been with most of these guys for 3+ years, some of them even longer. I told them I’m going to give you three things, if you never learn another thing from me remember these three things. 1. What did I do wrong today? 2. What did I do well today? 3. How can I get better?
Each of those three things is a reflection of you. Not a mention of blaming someone else for something that happened. Be accountable for your actions. Own the negative things, learn from them. How can you fix them so they don’t happen again? Be proud of the positive, but never arrogant with those results. You can always get better. There is always someone working to try to be better than you, you have to outwork them. When you look in the mirror you see yourself, not someone else. Be proud of being you. You can’t blame others for that reflection.
Enjoy your day!
TCB