Coaching your own kid is the hardest, most challenging, frustrating and in small doses best thing a coach can do. You have to try and separate being a parent and coach at the field. A lot of people judge your coaching and ability as a coach on how your kid plays and how they act. For the kid there’s a level of extra pressure to play and represent not only themselves but the coach.
I’ve been told I’m a terrible coach both to my face and behind my back. I was told I play favorites and don’t treat people fairly. In the same breathe was told that my kid was the reason we had lost games. It’s hard wearing the hat of dad and coach. I try to do my absolute best to separate the two. With being a coach I’m constantly at the field and rushing home just to turn around and leave. It’s my mindset if we have practice at six I have to be there before five. I need to ensure the field is ready, if anyone wants to come early to get extra reps I’m there. This also means that my child is at the field an hour or hour and a half early.
In that same token I push and have a plan in place for what I feel will get our team better which leads to less and less Dad time. We spend a lot of time together but it’s usually in the mood of player and coach going to a field. I push Deuces harder than anyone else and he already has the burden of being the coaches son. The extra pressure of everyone is watching you because who his parent is makes it tough at times. There is times of friction when that pressure and the comments get the best of both player and coach.
Saturday on the way to a doubleheader he was an absolute emotional mess. It was to the point of tears and not sure he would be able to play. However, how did I handle it, not the best. We are pulling into the field and I know we only have nine players with him. We need him to pull it together and play. Not Dad thinking but coach, what was best for the team. Both my assistants talked to him and helped but still not close to being game ready. Our saving Grace- no pun intended was the power of a strong friendship with his two favorite people. A quick call before the game brought his focus back. His emotions were back in check and the team played great together.
Everyday since Saturday we have been on the run from field to field with baseball and football. Our team had a lackluster practice and I laid into him about it. As I was thinking about it the frustration was really with myself. I rush, I push, I pull him in so many directions that at times he needs time to focus his thoughts and actions. When do we have a moment of just father-son where sports isn’t involved? During my coaching I have got to witness and see things he has accomplished but I can’t react like most dads. I can’t hoot and holler to celebrate an accomplishment as during the game he’s one of my players and part of a team. There’s times of pure jubilation on the inside that I can’t show. To see him score a Touchdown, to hit his first homerun and be able to high five him rounding third was a highlight. However, I couldn’t jump up and down. I couldn’t yell and scream, I had to wait until the game was over and on the way home to be able to remove the coaches hat and tell him how proud his Dad was.
Coaching is a sacrifice of time. You are away from your family and miss activities especially when your extended family lives hours away. Coaching is also a passion and something that I would love to be able to do as a profession. To be able to help a player grow, to help them advance and excel at something they love to do is beyond rewarding. To see the dedication of your kid, to see their hardwork and passion for something makes your proud. Coaching your own child can either bring you closer or drive you apart. Car rides home bring laughter & celebration as well as heated conversations and tears.
I sat out to be the best coach I can be. I know that others have their own opinion on me and what I do and that’s fine. Being a good coach is a goal but not my end goal, being a great dad is what I strive for. There’s bumps along the road. I know I have failed more times than not. My days of coaching my oldest child are coming to an end but being his father and #1 supporter will never end. I will be involved with Z and coaching and have learned many a lesson from walking the path with Deuces.
As I begin to remove one hat and hang it up the other and most important hat is going to sit proudly. I have seen such grown and maturation of Deuces. I have seen friendships form both with teammates and special friends. To know he has people he trusts and can reach out to when he’s in a tough spot and they can get him through. To see him light up with just the mention of their name. To see the smile on his face when they are near. Growth doesn’t come easy, but it won’t stop. Same with time, you can’t stop it. In fact it appears to be moving even more quickly.
To my son’s, I say I love you both. I’m proud to be your father. I’ve enjoyed coaching you and seeing you grow. My pushing was because I knew you could do more. I’m sorry you have had to deal with the extra pressure of being the Coaches kid. It’s a burden that you have each handled greatly. I know comments and people can get to you but you faced that challenge head on. I look forwarded to being able to cheer from the sidelines and experiencing success and failures in full Dad mode.
Enjoy your day!
TCB