I promised a great friend I would write on something “next week”, well that week became six, I’m sorry for the delay. I write thinking points and quotes on my social media pages daily, it’s typically things I share with Deuces. On this particular day I wrote, You’re going to be asked to be a lot of things in life, always start with being you. My friend noted Unless the real you is an A**hole, then start with being kind. She took my thinking to another level and today I’ll example the pieces of this puzzle.
We all know people that hide their true self from the masses. They sell themselves or at least the picture they want to sell to others. It becomes the job interview approach. I’m going to show you a side that makes me stand out but may not be who I actually am. Often times when situations occur that side is no where to be seen and the true self comes out. We see a persons true self when adversity and defeat occur. The A**hole comes out as they blame others, it’s never their fault when things go bad. Their kindness is built on how can this make me look better. They don’t care about others, they only care about themselves. They will lie and have you believe you matter to them only to be thrown to the curve when they don’t feel you are helping them advance. These people are ones we look back later in life and get mad at ourselves for letting them dictate so much of what we do and care about. The conservation usually begins with I can’t believe I didn’t see that side of them or I can’t believe I believed what they were doing. If this person is you, a look in the mirror is a good place to start. If you’ve been hurt by one of these individuals you’re not alone. Don’t let it eat at you.
For some being themselves isn’t hard. They will tell you up front this is me, you either like it or not, I’m not changing. I appreciate that mindset, however this isn’t always the best choice for every situation. You know where you stand and what that person is thinking. They won’t sugarcoat anything to make you feel better. Their kindness is built on hard truths. If you get an approval or positive remark then it’s truly earned. These individuals are typically referred to as A**holes. They own that title, at times I think some of it is a front though. People distance themselves from others usually after an event or being hurt. I used to work with someone you had this front up. They showed the picture of I’m an A**hole so don’t mess or talk with me. However, as you got to know the person you could see they had a heart of gold and would do anything for the people they cared about. They had been hurt and lied to so many times that this wall went up. Over time the wall cracked enough to let more people in. If this is you, I’m not saying you have to change. But what I will say is be more open to others. Not everyone is going to lie or hurt you. Some only want to be there for you and who you are.
There are some out there that are genuine and kind at all times. Usually these are the ones who get their feelings hurt the most. They put themselves out for others, they are always willing to help out. The kindness of these people is built on true feelings and the desire to help and be there for others. Yet when the time comes that they need help the same ones they help are nowhere to be found. Over the last week or so I have had to deal with this personally. Someone I care about has been hurt because they needed help and no one was there. They finally admitted they do everything they can for others but no one was there for them. They tried to get through some things on their own and it kept getting worse. All they wanted was someone to be there for them, to take the time to say ” I Care” and “How can I help”. The hard truth we often miss is there are people that care and try to help yet we were looking for specific people to answer that text or make that call that the blinders go up and we miss the kindness of others. If this is you, continue to be you. Kindness and the ability to always look at the positive side of people and things is an amazing quality. Know that roadbumps will occur. You will get your feelings hurt but remove the blinders and be willing to accept others offers of help even if it comes from a place you’re not used too.
We can learn a valuable lesson from all these people. I still believe the best place to start when you’re asked to be anything is with being yourself. Now, is everyone going to succeed at that, no. Some will continue to be A**holes. Some will still do everything in their power to make themselves look better and others will continue to be hurt because their kindness is taken advantage of. Self reflection is an area that we all need to take a hard look at. It’s something we often look at years and years down the road. It’s something for many that comes with regret and anger for how they acted and treated others. Don’t put that reflection off, start with it today. If you’re struggling with what you want to be or how you want to treat others, start with KINDNESS!! You will find that feeling brings out the best in you and others.
Enjoy your day and the people you share it with.
TCB